I Am Bee Mice Elf

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.” ~W.C. Fields

Can I say this? Should I say this? I’m GOING to say this!

Written By: IAmBeeMiceElf - Sep• 26•18

A very successful writer friend once told me “never put the apology upfront.” I wrote that first because, if you’re expecting an apology, you might as well stop reading now.  She also said “avoid cliches,” but this whole thing is so predictable it’s hard to avoid them. I’m going to say it.

I’m not surprised that people sugar coat their memories, but I’m also not one of those women who subscribe to a “29 and holding” mentality. I love being 50. I embrace every year.  I’m not shocked when I see my peers talk about “these kids today.”  I realized long ago that my similarly aged peers love recalling a time that never happened. They remember being respectful, and following rules. They remember listening to good wholesome music and spending weekends home, studying – not all lousy with the sex, drugs, and rap like these rotten kids today. I don’t share the same delusions and not only vividly, but fondly, remember skipping school, having parties at houses of the friend’s whose parents were on vacation, listening to “satanic” Motley Crue, and “dirty” Prince. I’m going to say it.

I get that a lot of people don’t like dwelling on a shitty childhood, they see no reason to seek out other adults who may have had similar, shall we say “harsh”, upbringings. So I’m far from stunned when girls don’t want to think about being groped, molested or raped as teenagers.  What we can’t forget is that other girls remember. We remember your stories and a lot of times our own. All of us. Every single one. I’m saying it.

Me Too? Yes All Women?  Why are we not coming together on this. I don’t understand how women who I know were raped by their boyfriends in high school, say they don’t understand how another woman did not come forward. YOU didn’t come forward! I was there WITH you!! I’m saying it!

I don’t understand how, girls, we all had that one friend… None of us wanted to spend the night at her house. Her dad was creepy and weird. We had no cell phones, we couldn’t just call our parent to come and get us. We ALL knew that dad, that house, that friend. The friend was popular, the whole family was – but we all knew. We all, somehow, just knew, we did not want spend the night there – because of the creepy dad. We weren’t nuts. We didn’t all have the same “delusion.” We weren’t dad haters! We spent the night at lots of other friend’s houses. Even friends with single dads, or ones who only spent the weekends at their dad’s house. Some of us even had friends who confided that the dad WAS molesting them. HOW many of you? Right now, reading this, remember that! More than are admitting it, I can tell you that… but now, for some reason, we REFUSE to believe when “our friend” is arrested for it. We all knew that dad had friends, we wondered how none of them saw it but now, you don’t see it in your own friends!  So I’m saying it!

Ladies – how many of our friends were raped by their boyfriends? How many of us? Back then it was called “date rape” and we didn’t talk about it. Well, we didn’t talk about it to the grown ups, we talked about it to each other. I can’t comprehend the forgetting this. I understand the not wanting to, but not the complete denial. I remember when it happened to you. I wrote about it in my diary, I kept one back then. And now, I’m saying it.

Guys – I get that it’s very VERY, earth shatteringly, uber and utter important, the foremost fact that MUST be mentioned before you will even consider ANY further discussion on this topic — NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT– okay? There you go, full acknowledgment. YOU are obviously “not that guy”.  (please know that I rolled my eyes when I posted that). I know that people learn and grow. I’m glad about that. I remember when you you tried to feel my friend up on the couch when she was drunk. I’m not about to call you a rapist. Your friend is a rapist though. MY friend never told you that, I never told you that. Because you wouldn’t have believed it. He’s a nice guy, you’re a nice guy and nice guys aren’t like that. Except, they are, and I’m saying it.

Do you not remember, that I remember you used to peek in my little sister’s window? Do I think you grew up to be a rapist? NO, I do not! But… your loud cries of calling for heads of others, while not even acknowledging that YOU weren’t always so “enlightened.” You don’t remember, but I do, and I’m saying it.

I’m sitting here, typing this out and trying to “consider my audience.” I’m trying to read what I wrote and wonder the countless ways it is going to be perceived. I foresee the people who will skim it over and reply with “full stop, no woman deserves to be raped”. I don’t know who, or why these people choose to comment. I never know where they get that from anything I ever wrote or said. I anticipate the “not all men are like that”. I specified that, I thought, pretty clearly, yet – someone WILL reply with that. Following closely will be the “if someone peeped your little sister’s window, why didn’t you call the police?” Those people failed to see to entire point of this entire blog entry. EXACTLY, Barney! Why didn’t we call the police?? People want nothing short of written confession and photographic evidence before they will even entertain considering the thought that some guys MIGHT be like that! That’s why I’m saying it.

EVERY girl -YES, I am saying that with 100% certainty! Understand that,  do NOT think I”m exaggerating for effect – EVERY girl, is, was or knows, a girl who was preyed upon in some skeezy way (from an incredibly inappropriate touch to a full on assault and rape) solely because they are female.  EVERY guy KNOWS a guy, who has done this. Please understand, I am saying this unapologetically. You know a guy. Trust me, you do. Leave a girl alone with him, we can tell you who they are, we won’t need all that much time. I will go further to say, if you THINK you don’t know a girl who has been preyed upon, it’s because one never told you about it. She knows you’ll probably say “not all guys are like that.” That’s why I’m saying it.

If anyone is going to take anything away from this, and I really want you to understand what I’m saying – We can’t go back. We can only go forward, and we should do that clearly. We all need to remove the fog, or whatever it is, that prevents us from truthfully remembering.  From here forward, when someone comes forward -clearly remember- when it happened to you! Remember when it happened to your friend! Remember when you had the “weird vibe” about “the nice guy with friends”! When YOU peeped on someone’s little sister. No, it’s not all guys, so let’s ALL acknowledge CLEARLY the ones who do, when they do. We need to start believing people who come forward.  I’m not calling for heads.  I’m simply calling to acknowledge that we need to acknowledge it to move forward- because it seems we haven’t even gotten that far. We need to stop sugar coating memories. I had to say it.

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One Comment

  1. Pat says:

    I know girls that got raped by guys I knew. Only one paid a consequence of getting the shit kicked out of him. Neither girl brought charges. No meant No in the 70’s too, but love/sex was freer and some things were a little more acceptable, though maybe not prudent. Afterall, guys were picking up their dates in “sin bins”. I know NOW how those fathers must have been cringing. But things were looser and most weren’t even looking.
    I could never force myself on anyone like that. I’m too conscious of the other person’s feelings, of the LAW -(GEEE-zus) I don’t understand and never did, how anyone ever could do that. With force. ? A N Y way
    That’s my story n um stickin’ 2 it. 😉

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